Posts Tagged With: happy hour

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

What do golfers and oysters have in common?

They’re both ugly.

Let’s face it, most golfers are out-of-shape white men in goofy outfits with awful hair, and who wants to look at that?! That’s exactly what I was thinking when I was eating some oysters in a bar the other night while they had the PGA golf tournament on and Phil Mickelson was playing. He is just so unpleasant to look at, he’s the type of ugly that’s hard to get past… and he does t.v. commercials!! I don’t get it. The standard for women being on t.v. is really high, but for men, it doesn’t matter! You can be fat, bald, short, hairy or butt-ugly and still get tons of work and endorsements!

The settings for golf games are really nice though: tree-lined courses on bright green, perfectly manicured lawns, set against purple mountains under crisp, blue skies in places like Tuscon, Arizona, where this tournament happened to be taking place. Yep, smack dab in the middle of the arid desert where no such setting naturally occurs. Gee, I wonder how much water it takes to keep it looking green so these ugly guys can go out there and swing their clubs? I noticed that the sponsor of the tournament was Waste Management. You know, the garbage guys in the big, stinky trucks, and I thought to myself “This golf thing is getting uglier by the moment.” Personally, I prefer watching professional tennis. The players are super fit with gorgeous bodies and faces, and the game has got a lot more action to it, even though I can’t figure out the rules, but who cares about that when you can look at the players? I mean c’mon, what’s more offensive than watching ugly, middle-aged men take their tiny balls and try to fit them into grassy holes?!

I can get past the ugly with oysters though because I get something out of it: they’re absolutely delicious! You wouldn’t necessarily eat an oyster at first glance because it doesn’t look very appealing. The shell has a misshapen, sort of mangled look to it, and the insides don’t look very good either. The oyster itself is a grayish beige, so it sort of looks like a clam that’s not feeling very well. But good, fresh oysters are a tasty treat! I hadn’t eaten them in a long time because they’re expensive little suckers and being a single gal, I’m on a budget, so I can’t afford expensive seafood unless I end up sitting next to a drunk guy who buys it for me, which you can read about here. So I don’t often indulge in oysters because of the expense, but I found a great place where you can get them at a fairly decent price during happy hour, and that place is Lure in Camarillo. I’ve been wanting to go there for a while now because I heard great things about it, but I needed some time to save up some clams! *snicker*

Ugly, but good!

The night I was there, they had about four different kinds of fresh oysters and during happy hour, they’re only a buck fifty each and you can mix and match them, which is great! I ordered 2 Crystal Points, and 4 Kumamotos, which are 2 bucks each instead of $1.50 since they’re supposedly one of the best. I preferred the Crystal Points though because they were slightly bigger and had a more briny taste, where as the Kumamotos were small and slightly sweeter. My oysters were little briny jewels sitting in their shells on a bed of crushed ice, and they came with a yummy cocktail sauce and freshly grated horseradish, which had a good kick to it! I squeezed fresh lemon juice on them first, then put a tiny dollop of cocktail sauce and horseradish on top, and I slurped them down! They were ice-cold and super fresh tasting, which is very important when you’re eating an oyster! You could tell they were expertly prepared, too! It takes finesse to shuck an oyster because they’re very delicate and contain their own juice, which is referred to as the “liquor”, so when you open them, you don’t want to spill any of it since it’s part of the experience of eating them. And once you pry them open, you have to gently loosen the oyster from it’s shell, because like all mollusks, it’s connected by a small muscle, and you want it to slide out of the shell and into your mouth with ease, and you don’t want any shell pieces in there either. Just like ugly ball players, I have an aversion to bad oyster shuckers, but luckily the guys at Lure know what they’re doing!

As I was sitting at the bar enjoying myself, I took a look around the place since it gets pretty crowded for happy hour, and I happened to notice that it was packed with a lot of men that looked like they had just gotten off the golf course, and I thought to myself “Wow, the world really is my oyster!”

Lure Camarillo

259 W. Ventura Blvd.

Camarillo, CA


Categories: Food, Happy Hour, Humor, Seafood | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mussels and Balls

Sometimes you get something for nothing and most of the time, it’s not worth anything. But sometimes you get something for nothing that’s really worth something! Like the other night, I got a free dinner and it was worth $26 bucks! For a single gal such as myself who reviews dishes and is on a budget, that was a great wallet-saver, and the only thing I had to do was sit at the bar and talk to a drunk guy for a couple of hours! I know, I know, it’s hard for me to believe too, but it’s true: I’m still single. I have no idea why either because I’m such a fantastic catch! I mean, I’m clever, stunning, and I only have two cats.

Maybe it’s because I outlast every man out there. I mean, how else do you think I got the free dinner? I outlasted the poor bastard just by sitting next to him. I would’ve outdrank him too if he wasn’t such a big, fat lush, and I’m not. But we just sat there talking and he did the drinking and his words got more and more slurred as the night went on, and that only means one thing… okay, two things: free dinner, or an eventual fall off of the stool. Either way it’s a win-win! But he didn’t fall off his stool. Instead, he ordered another drink and offered to pay my bill!


Mussels, you got balls!

It all started when I decided to finally hoof it over to Mediterraneo in Westlake Village for happy hour. You know how my wallet loves happy hour and I’ve been meaning to check theirs out for the longest time since they have Prince Edward Island mussels on their menu, and I looove Prince Edward Island mussels since I think they’re the best! But their mussels aren’t on the happy hour menu, which means I wouldn’t get a price break, which is the reason it took me a while to make it over there to try them in the first place. I knew that since they don’t post their prices on their online menu, it meant that it was going be pricey but Jeez, the dish is a whopping fifteen bucks, ouch!

So they bring out the mussels in this adorable (read: small) cast iron pot, and after they set the dish down in front of you, they dramatically lift the lid off for presentation, which is a nice touch but frankly, I’d rather they take a few bucks off the price and let me lift the friggin’ lid off myself. The fragrance of salty ocean, white wine and garlic wafted up into my nostrils and I immediately picked up a shell, took the sweet, tender meat out with the tiny shell fork and popped it into my mouth! It was as delicious as I knew it would be! The mussels were cooked perfectly and there wasn’t a bad one in the bunch, which was good because I wouldn’t want to pay fifteen bucks and end up with some bad shells. I also remembered to ask them to go easy on the garlic, which was smart because there were large pieces of the stuff floating in the broth at the bottom of the pot. The only drawback about this dish (besides the price), is that they add something spicy to the broth, which isn’t mentioned on the menu. It would be way better without the heat because I felt it competed with the delicate sweetness of the mussels.

Creamy balls

I thought they came in pairs?

But that wasn’t the only dish that I ended up loving, even though that’s what I went there for. I also ordered Arancini from their happy hour menu because I love Arancini and they were only five bucks and I figured, what’s another five bucks? Arancini, which means “little orange” in Italian, are rice balls filled with some sort of yummy filling like meat sauce, peas or cheese, rolled in bread crumbs, and fried. These were filled with creamy mozzarella so when I cut into them with my fork, it melted out into the sweet tomato sauce that lined the plate. The outer part of the Arancini were crispy and golden and the inner part, tender with fat grains of rice and creamy, melty cheese.

Now if they would only leave out the spicy in the mussels and drop their price to say, eleven bucks, then this would be perfect! Either that, or make sure there are plenty of drunk guys sitting at the bar.




32037 Agoura Rd.

Westlake Village, CA

Categories: Food, Happy Hour, Humor, Seafood | Tags: , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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