Who the hell knew that you had to know someone in order to get a sandwich around here?! This is the Connayo Valley, for crying out loud, not New York, or Los Angeles, or, or… New York! Even worse; this is Agoura Hills I’m talking about! Yeah, shitty Agoura, the only place that you can get excellent Italian deli sandwiches in the entire area! How ridiculous is that?! And you have to line up out the door to get ‘em!
I mean, yeah, okay, these are really delicious sandwiches, so I can understand people in large quantities lining up to get one, but what I did not expect, was what I had to go through, which was thinking I was smart and calling ahead so I wouldn’t have to wait in line, only to get a busy signal and repeatedly having to call and call and call… and as I continually redialed, my palms grew sweaty and my breath quickened, because I was worried that I’d never get through to order a sandwich, until I finally did… only to be put on hold for an entire 5 minutes… 5 minutes, with no music whatsoever, just blank on the other end! And as I was on hold, I started to worry that I wouldn’t be connected at all, that I’d be on an eternal, no-music hold while imagining all the people who actually waited in line, get their sandwiches, one after another, until there was no more line and no more sandwiches! And I’d still be on hold waiting for the deli to pick up my call and take my delicious sandwich order long after the sun went down! And it was supposed to be for my lunch!
But finally, someone got on the phone to take my order and by then, I was so thankful, I didn’t yell or scream… I cried… tears of joy, and I blubbered my delicious sandwich order into the phone, and the nice deli lady tried to console me by saying it would be ready in only 25 minutes, which isn’t long at all considering you’re getting one of their delicious sandwiches that people block the phones and line up for!
You’d think that because I’m Italian, I’d already know these deli people so that I could just get the sandwich right away, or at least know someone who would break their legs if I didn’t get the sandwich right away, but that would be insinuating that all Italian people know someone in the mob who breaks legs and gets you an immediate sandwich, and how ridiculous is that? I mean, if I did, I’d certainly use it to my advantage, but I don’t, and besides, anyone who knows me, certainly knows that I don’t subscribe to any stereotypes!
My delicious sandwich was a pepper turkey and provolone on a hard roll, with muffuletta mix, which is a pickled mix of black and green olives, red peppers and some other deliciousness, pepperoncini, tomato, lettuce, mustard, mayo, Italian dressing, and a big, fat helping of “Thank you God, for giving me my goddamned delicious sandwich!”
Anyway, if I had to do it all over again, which may just put me over the edge, I’d have to get the sandwich without the mayo. I know that sounds weird with all the other stuff I had them pile on it, why just leave the mayo out? But it just didn’t need it. Also, I think someone I work with has a sister who knows the owners, so I have to figure out a way to arrange a sort of deal with her where she gets me my sandwich before everybody else, without having to break any legs.
At least, for now.
5657 Kanan Road
Agoura Hills, CA