Posts Tagged With: best pizza Thousand Oaks

A Poll Walks Into a Pizza Pie Parlor…

When I initially decided to go with the Korean bibimbap as a choice in my poll for one of the disgusting foods to eat and write about, I did so because I thought it looked like a challenging dish from the photos I saw online, but it’s really only vegetables, pickles and a raw egg yolk over rice, so it’s not that big of a deal, unless playing Russian Salmonella Roulette is a big deal, and let’s hope it’s not! As it turns out, that’s the dish that got the most votes in my poll (you know, the poll I posted a couple of weeks ago that you didn’t participate in) and so I guess that’s the dish I’m gonna eat and write about.

Well I haven’t tackled it yet because I was still holding out hope that you followers would actually take the time to place your vote on the poll I so painstakingly prepared, instead of just reading it… or ignoring it altogether. You see, the poll has only gotten 9 votes so far, which was the reason for my depression the past week. I fully expected the poll to be off the charts, probably just like what Mitt Romney was hoping for when he ran for the presidency, and just like Romney (falling flat on his lying face after he lost), I too, was facing glory, only to be downtrodden by the complete lack of interest. The only difference between Romney and I, is that I’m sure he recovered a lot faster from his loss because he’s filthy rich and I’m not. Well, I’m filthy rich in personality… but who gives a shit?

After I thought about it though, I should be thankful that it ended up being the Korean dish so I don’t have to tackle the other three choices, which would have caused severe gag reflexes during the mastication process, whereas now I only have to worry about getting salmonella poisoning from raw egg yolk!

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Not the pie I was hoping for

So I promise that in the next few weeks, I’m going to eat this weird Korean dish and write about it as soon as I recover from the bacterial infection in my stomach. For now, I’m only gonna write about pizza. Gosh, I hope you’re not disappointed! I wouldn’t want you to feel the disappointment that I’d been feeling the past week ‘cause it was just awful. Besides, Pieology is worth a visit just because it’s gimmicky!

When I first noticed this place, I thought they offered yummy, delicious pie, and I was really disappointed when I found out that it was going to be just another stupid pizza place because I love pie and it would be great to have a place in town that made only pies, but then I remembered that I had to stop eating so much pie anyway on account of being humiliated by a bikini!

Then my neighbor the carnivore, told me I had to go check it out because it was great, but I took pause because she eats raw meat, but then her friend piped in and said it was great too, and as far as I knew, she didn’t eat raw meat, so I figured that if two people with two completely different tastes liked the same thing, the odds were good that it was going to be pretty decent.

The gimmick at Pieology is you get to make your own pizza. Well, the nice pizza kids behind the counter make it for you, but you get to decide how it’s made by choosing any toppings you want on it, and you can have as many toppings as you want for only $7.50, no matter how much crap you have them pile on it, and believe me, some people take that literally! Like the porker who was in front of me. His pizza was piled high with pretty much every goddamned topping they had, it was ridiculous! I mean, c’mon dude, just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should! When you have that much stuff piled onto a pizza, it ceases being a pizza, ya moron! Besides, it looks like you could stand to lose a few pounds, if you know what I mean! If you had a bikini, you wouldn’t be eating all that goddamned pizza, I tell you that right now! How greedy do you have to be?! Don’t you know there are starving people in the world, and you’re not one of ‘em?! Hey, you wanna leave some for the rest of us Porky Pig?!

ahem.

Anyway, yesterday my neighbor informed me that when she went back last Friday night, the line was going out the door and down the block, and I could easily see that coming since they only have one pizza oven, and porkers like that guy eating all their goddamned toppings, so it was only a matter of time before the gimmick of this place started to catch on. It looks like if you go there, it may take a while to get your pizza, and I’m not entirely sure it’s worth it. I mean, it’s only pizza after all, not pie.

Pieology

593 N Moorpark Road

Thousand Oaks, CA

805.273.9500

Categories: Food, Humor, Pizza | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Mediocrity, The New Gateway Drug

When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, toss ‘em in the fridge and grab yourself some wine instead! In light of the recent fires (no pun intended) we all endured here in the Connayo last week, I think that’s sound advice!

Since my weekend hiking plans were pretty much ruined, and even though it was still a bit smoky outside, my friend and I decided to meet for a glass of wine at a place that had a nice patio overlooking the ash sprinkling down over Westlake Blvd. Well we sat down and waited, and waited, and no one came to our table, which was nestled in amongst the other mostly empty tables, so I could see how we could be overlooked. I did notice that the manager went to the table next to us though. There were four of them and they had purchased a whole bottle of wine, where as there were only two of us and we just wanted two glasses. Anyway, the manager was behaving in such an obsequious manner with the table, her head was practically jammed right up their… um, how shall I put this? Her head  was… uhh… well, I guess I just have to come out and say it: her head was practically jammed right up their ass… es!  Not only that, she didn’t even glance in our direction as she stepped away from the table! We had no water, no menus, no nothing, but she didn’t even notice. I guess if you purchase a whole bottle of wine, as opposed to just a glass of wine, you’re going to get the manager’s head up your ass. So maybe don’t go there.

We said screw this, we can go get our own bottle of wine for the price of two glasses and sit by the lake where it’s really pretty and we don’t have to worry about being ignored, (only arrested) so that’s what we did! My friend left the choosing of the wine to me, since I happen to know a lot about the stuff. I already had it in my mind that I was going to pick something mediocre, yet drinkable, since we didn’t want to spend a lot of money. Oh, and it had to have a screw top for convenience. I thought a nice, crisp Sauvignon Blanc would play well against the smokyness in the air, and I knew exactly which one to get: Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc, which comes from the Marlborough region of New Zealand. That region of NZ makes spectacular SBs! But they also make mediocre SBs and that brand is one of them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very drinkable, but when you’ve had spectacular wine, and then you drink mediocre wine, well, it’s like driving a Maserati, the having to switch over to a Camry!

Personally, I like spectacular wines but my wallet doesn’t, and the wallet is gonna win out every time. I say stick to the mediocre stuff, and you know why? Because drinking good wine is just a gateway drug. You start with the crappy stuff like the shit they sell at Trader Joe’s, but then one day, you get a taste of some of the better stuff, and you say “Hey, that’s pretty good! It’s way better than the crap I’ve been drinking!” then you start to drink good wine on a regular basis. But one day your wine snob friend says “Try this!” and she (me) turns you on to the really good stuff and you come to realize just how much you’ve sold yourself out in the past. Before you know it, you’re spending $40, $50, even $100 a bottle! Pretty soon, people who never used to want to hang out with you before, start becoming your best friends! They lavish you with attention and compliments while holding out their wine glass for you to fill, and you’re all buzzed and laughing and having a great time! You feel good about yourself because you know “the really good shit” and everybody knows it and looks up to you. You’re a wine superstar! Until one day, you can’t buy the good stuff anymore because you’re spent, broken, and all your money is gone. Your “friends” no longer want to have anything to do with you and you’ve resorted to panhandling outside of Trader Joe’s for the cheap stuff! Believe me, I see it happen all the time, it ain’t worth it!

NY Style?

NY Style?

My advice: stick with the mediocre stuff.

But if you want my opinion on the good stuff…

By the way, we got it from Vons, and they have the most wonderful selection of mediocre wines, so I’m sure you’ll find something!

So after sitting on our little park bench drinking our mediocre wine, overlooking the lake and watching all the rich drunks cruising around on their shitty boats, we got hungry, so we decided to stick with the “cheap” theme of the evening and get a slice of pizza. We headed over to Mulberry Street Pizza on Thousand Oaks Blvd. They recently opened up this location after being in BH for many years and claim to have authentic NY style pizza. I have to say that the staff are really friendly and the place is buzzing with NYers. But you know what? I found their pizza to be just… mediocre. The good thing is that you can get a slice anytime, where as my favorite place doesn’t offer slices at all. I’ve had some of the best NY pizza, so for me, MS just doesn’t slice it (pun intended).

Hmm, you know maybe you should go to Mulberry St. Pizza after all and just stick with the mediocre stuff, since we all know what happens when you don’t.

Mulberry Street Pizza

1655 E. Thousand Oaks Blvd.

Thousand Oaks, CA

805.379.1121

Categories: Alcohol, Beverages, Food, Humor, Pizza, Wine | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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