Posts Tagged With: best pho ventura county

Life’s Little Disappointments…

No one has been more disappointed than I these past couple of weeks when it came to food, and the disappointing experiences I, uh… experienced. Unless you actually went to these places yourself after reading about my disappointing experiences and subsequently experienced a disappointing experience yourself. Then you’d be disappointed…  and stupid!

In spite of my disappointments, I still went out to eat (because I had to), but I inadvertently ended up eating food that I’ve already eaten and written about, which is counterproductive since any money I spend should be spent on any new dishes that I can write about, not dishes I’ve already tried. That’s because I’m a single gal on a single budget, and, I’m a writer on top of that, so you can just imagine what my bank account looks like! So I need to switch it up from week to week. But after I put some thought into it, I decided “Hey, why not make some comparisons against the places that I had gone to for these dishes, and the places I visited this week, and give you my highly respected opinion?”

Gosh, I’m so smart…  and good-looking…  why the hell am I single?!

So I compared Mexican and Asian, but not against each other. Although if I had to compare Mexicans and Asians this would be my assessment:

  • Mexicans are the hardest working people I know, even though they do it begrudgingly, usually against White people in general, but sometimes against Asians. They work harder, rather than smarter, probably because they don’t speak English and can’t read the directions.
  • Asians are the smartest people I know because they work smarter, rather than harder, usually by employing Mexicans and lending America tons of cash. They remain smarter than White people, even though White people think they’re stupid because that’s how they’re portrayed on T.V. shows. They aren’t stupid at all, just horrible drivers who should stick to taking the bus!
  • I always see Mexicans waiting at the bus stop, but never Asians, which tells me that there are way too many Asians on the road, although Mexican drivers fall right behind the Asians in the shitty-driver department!
  • I always see tons of Asians at the Mac Store, but hardly any Mexicans, which tells me Mexicans can’t grasp technology whatsoever, or they can’t afford it. But then again, no one can grasp technology like the Asians, which makes sense because all of our gadgets are made in China, not Mexico!



Let me start with Asian food:

This was my favorite place to get an Asian noodle fix, but it’s all the way in Simi Valley, which means I have to drive all the way out there, and who the hell likes to drive to that dump? Well I did… to get my Pho. Luckily, I found this place really close to me called Thousand Wok, in Thousand Oaks (get it?) that makes Pho that’s just as good as the one in Simi Valley!

How can Pho differ from place to place anyway when it’s really just noodle soup, and noodle soup is noodle soup, right? Well, no. For one thing, we’re not talking about Salvadoran chicken soup where they call it chicken soup and it’s not chicken soup! This is soup, and you get what you order (soup). Additionally, Pho should be made by Vietnamese cooks, so it’s authentic. So at first I was worried about ordering it because Thousand Wok offers a mixture of Asian cuisines, which seems to be the stupid trend going on right now, and not all Asian cuisines are the same. I know they all look the same, but that doesn’t mean they should all be mixed together! Like I always say, stuff like that should be kept separate, otherwise you create confusion, resentment and mixed race, I mean, rice dishes! They offer Japanese, Chinese, and Vietnamese, all on one menu. Personally, I don’t think that a Chinese chef should try to master sushi, just like I don’t think a Japanese chef should try to master Pho. But their Pho was delicious, and you know why? Because their main chef is Vietnamese! But not only that, their sushi chef is Japanese, and the owner is Chinese (not sure how the Chinese dishes would come out).

Okay, the Mexican food:


No, it’s Mexican.

On one of my many morning trips to Franci’s Bakery for some pan, I noticed a sign on their door saying that they offered homemade tamales, so I went back later that day to get my lunch. Well when I got there, they only had two left! They said they run out fast so when they have them, I should get them right away. These were chicken, and they were waaaay better than the frozen ones I got from the Cart last week! The differences between the two, besides the taste and quality, is the preparation; Mexicans wrap their tamales in corn husks instead of banana leaves and the Mexicans don’t add potatoes like the Salvadorans do. But these were pretty darn good, and they were super cheap! I think it was three bucks for two of ‘em.

I know what you’re thinking; Salvadorans are not the same as Mexicans, and you’d have a point, except that they speak the same language, so for socio-economic reasons, I just lump ‘em together. C’mon, the rest of America does it all the time! No, I am not racist, I’m the last person to be racist, I’m part Italian, remember? We don’t have racism in Italy against other cultures! Why do I have blonde hair and fair skin if I’m Italian, you ask? Because I’m Northern Italian, and we’re a purer race than the dark-haired, dark-skinned Southern Italians, whose purity was lost when they mixed with all the North African, Turkish and Greek peasants; unlike in Northern Italy where we bred with other noble White people… like the Germans! Sheesh, don’t you know your history?!

So I got through my disappointments this week and everything turned out alright, which made me realize that once you can accept that life is a series of disappointments, you can be happy!

Thousand Wok

450 N Moorpark Rd

Thousand Oaks, CA


Categories: Asian, Food, Humor, Mexican, Satire, Soup | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

Noodle Crush

I was glued to the television the other night watching a program on PBS called “Mind of a Chef with David Chang” and I think I finally found my T.V. crush. I usually don’t fall for television personalities since they’re so full of themselves and I just don’t have the patience for people like that. But now I was actually falling for one, and… he was a T.V. chef!  and… he was Asian!  and… I was hungry! Normally I’m not into Asians since they’re horrible drivers and I could never go with someone who doesn’t know how to drive a car, but since this one could cook, I figured I could do all the driving and eating and he could do all the cooking. We’d be perfect together!

Hot Asian dish

Since he’s Asian, he was talking about his love of noodles and as I was watching him talk about noodles, it not only made me have a crush on him, it made me crave noodles. Not that I don’t ever crave noodles. I do crave them because I’m Italian and Italians love noodles just like Asians do! I know what you’re thinking and believe me, it really irks me too when people create stereotypes about Italians since I happen to be one of them, and one of the biggest stereotypes about Italians is that we always eat noodles! That, and how we supposedly put garlic in everything, which we don’t since we also like to kiss each other a lot! So we don’t put garlic in everything and we don’t always eat noodles like the Asians do. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, so I fell in love with David, and his dimples, and his hairless body, and his lack of driving skills, and his love of noodles, and since I couldn’t have some David Chang right away, I went for some noodles right away instead!

There’s only one place that I go to get my Asian noodle fix and that’s Bamboo Cafe in Simi Valley. Bamboo Cafe is a Vietnamese place that serves the absolute best Pho in the area! If you didn’t already know this, Pho happens to be a Vietnamese dish, not a Chinese dish like David Chang, but hey, who can ever tell ’em apart anyway? I get their chicken Pho, which is my personal favorite. It’s chock full of those wonderfully thin rice noodles that you can slurp up with this amazing broth! Actually, the broth is the best part because it’s got so much flavor and richness to it from the hours of simmering on the stove with goodies like star anise, rock sugar, fish sauce, cilantro stems, and bones!

Yes, I said bones. Where do you think they get the flavor from, ramen seasoning packets? They bring you a plate of fresh lime wedges, mint and sliced jalapeno peppers to add to your Pho and it gives the rich, golden broth a bright, freshness. You can also add bean sprouts to give a nice crunch and Sriracha chili sauce for extra heat. I like to add everything to mine if you haven’t already guessed. And get this: you can get three different sizes of the stuff; small, large, and The Challenge. The Challenge is their gimmick and I just love restaurants with a gimmick because it shows that they have a sense of humor, like to entertain their guests, and have devised a way to get more money out of their pockets. It’s a massive bowl of Pho consisting of one pound of cooked noodles, one pound of meat (your choice of chicken or beef) and ladlefuls of broth. If you can finish all of the noodles and meat in under an hour, then you don’t have to pay for it.

I never understood the attraction of making a pig of oneself to get a free meal but there are plenty of dumb people out there willing to do it! There are so many of them in fact, that they’ve dedicated an entire wall to post of photos of the people who have tried and conquered (or lost) the Challenge. So I was sitting there enjoying my noodles and noisily slurping and gulping and mumbling (since it’s considered a compliment to make as much noise as you can when you eat Asian noodle dishes since it’s a sign of enjoyment), and that’s why I couldn’t understand why, right in the middle of eating my noodles, they said that I didn’t have to pay my bill but that I needed to leave right away?

Bamboo Cafe

2792 Cochran Street

Simi Valley, CA


Categories: Asian, Food, Humor, Satire | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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