Beefcake… No, Hunk!

Hunk. The word conjures up something enticing, doesn’t it?

I like big hunks of things, especially when it comes to my men and my food. What can I say? I like ‘em hot ‘n hunky… like chicken sausage maybe.

Hunky. Hot.

Hmmm, I’m hungry… 

…and not for food either goddamnit! I mean… what I mean to say is… I need something to eat, right away! I don’t want chicken sausage though.

If you don’t already know this about me, I’m always on the hunt for the best…. biscuit. See? You thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you? Well let me tell you something, it’s not always about sausage, okay?! There are other delicious, hunky items I put into my mouth that are… um, hunky. 

Biscuits. 

I think biscuits can be hot ‘n hunky, and if they aren’t, they should be, just like the one I got the other day.

The thing that I like about biscuits is their flour-y, fluffy texture. They’re like biting into a delicious food cloud. That is, if they’re any good. The bad ones taste like biting into a salty, deflated… taco. No, that’s not right: a salty, deflated… sausage! Nope, that’s not it either… a salty, deflated… oh who cares?! Everyone knows when they’ve had a bad one. If you’re not sure whether you’ve ever had a bad one or not… a biscuit, by the way, not a man. Believe me, you’ll know when you’ve had a bad man because you’ll be left lonely and wet on the bed, crying for more… more… OH MY GOD, GIVE ME MORE!!

ahem.

No, a bad biscuit. You’ll know it’s bad because it’ll taste salty like it’s from a package, which it probably is from a package. A good biscuit doesn’t taste salty at all. It should taste slightly sweet and fluffy and buttery… mmmm. I love ‘em and I think I found the perfect place to get one!

When it's finished, it's gone... just like a man!

When it’s finished, it’s gone… just like a man!

Krazy Kathy and I were on a bike riding adventure in Carpinteria last weekend, and I say adventure because we rode our bikes on some stupid bike path that didn’t even cater to bicycles, sheesh! It was pocked and bumpy and full of holes! Plus, there were all these… these… pedestrians getting in the way! I kept having to silently ride right up behind them and scream: “Hey, get out of the goddamned way!” making them jump, which proves that the path was really bumpy! This path was so bumpy that… well, let me put it to you this way: it was so bumpy I won’t need anything hunky for at least another week! 

But we managed to make it to our destination and get some food, which was the important thing. This cute little beach town has lots of places to eat, which is great, but not so great when you have to decide where and what you wanna eat. Luckily, we chose Cajun Kitchen Cafe, and there it was, right on the menu, staring up at me: homemade biscuit. Well after seeing that, everything else on the menu was superfluous; who needs more than a hot, hunky biscuit?!

And it was H-U-N-K-Y! Big. Giant. Large. Grande… you get the picture. It was my giant, flour-y food cloud *sigh* I was in heaven….

I smeared loads of crappy butter on it, drizzled it with crappy honey and ate every last morsel! That would be my only complaint; the crappy butter. It was the salted, whipped kind. I never turn down butter, but that’s my least favorite kind. Think about it: you have this whipped, salty, creamy stuff on a hot, hunky… 

Umm, you’ll have to excuse me. I need to take a trip up to Carpinteria, right away!

Cajun Kitchen Cafe

865 Linden Ave.

Carpinteria, CA

805.684.6010

Categories: Breakfast, Food, Humor, Satire | Tags: , , , , , | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “Beefcake… No, Hunk!

  1. You always need to spread some on your big hunk.

  2. Damn, this is one of the best food posts I’ve ever read–but you’re teasing this big hunk of a man by showing that pic without a recipe at the end–just an address 3000+ miles away from me. Pretty sure I could eat two of these.

    re butter: http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-butter-and-cultured-butter-cooking-lessons-from-the-kitchn-194372

  3. Only Clever Girl can use bumpy and hunky in the same sentence! LOL!

  4. Your post reminded me of Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow. Listened to it about 10 times. I wonder…?

  5. I wonder too…

    …what they hell you’re talking about?! Oh sorry… I just don’t know what the connection is with Sheryl Crow and a biscuit, wanna give me any insight?

    • I hate it when you have to esplain a comment. I forgot that you were actually talking about a real biscuit. I’ll stick with references to food from now on to wit: My favorite biscuits are smothered in sausage gravy or crushed strawberries and whipped cream or just butter when served with hot soup. Thanks for making me…hungry.

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