Top Ten Things That Gave Me A Bellyache This Year

10. The food re-gift. Hey, thanks for gifting me that stale food product that you were given the year before so you could simultaneously relieve any gift-guilt you had, and clean out your food pantry! Next year, don’t get me anything, that’ll be my favorite gift from you, ever!

9. Getting a dish that’s missing an ingredient, like the Chicken Tortilla Soup I once had that didn’t have chicken in it. Oh but wait, you added it, then charged me for it. Yeah, it really happened.

8. Health foods that have always been around, yet for some reason, are taking headlining spots: kale, coconut water (don’t get that one), berries, fish oil, chia seeds, et al. How about eating everything in moderation as a healthy lifestyle? “Uh yeah, I’ll have an order of the fried potatoes please.”

7. Beer pairings. How many craft beers do we really need that have essence of freshly cut hay that’ll go with my sliders?  “Hey bartender, gimme a Bud!”

6. Sliders.

5. Enough, Top Chef! Your chef-testants are boring morons and you consistently choose men as the winner in an already male-dominated field… so, please pack your knives and go already!

4. The Food Network. Or, should I call it, The Flay, Rachael, Giada, Fieri network? How about some new talent Food Network, I’m sick of ’em and aren’t they rich enough already?

3. Food poisoning. I know this is elementary, but it still happens, and unfortunately, mostly to people who eat food. The ordinance California created to address food borne illness in restaurants that cost taxpayers and food service workers millions, isn’t working. Just ask my stomach.

2. Inconsistency. By going to a particular place to get a particular dish that I really enjoyed the first time, only to get it the second time, and it’s not the same dish. So you treat me like I’m a moron and think I won’t notice. Guess what? You’re the moron since I did notice, wrote about it, and won’t be returning.

1. Food blogs.

Categories: Humor, Satire | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Top Ten Things That Gave Me A Bellyache This Year

  1. My belly gave me an ache this year. I guess I just have a bitter stomach.

  2. points 1 & 4! 🙂

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