Bad Catholic, Good Potato

This is a good time of year for Catholics because they get to drink alcohol and look at porn, and all they have to do to repent is sing Happy Birthday to Jesus! And I know what it’s like to be a Catholic because I was one once…  or twice.

My mother viciously sent me to Catholic school for one year and I’m still trying to figure out what I did to piss her off so much! But I survived without getting into a lesbian relationship with a nun, and learned that you can’t get pregnant by letting a boy stick his finger in your bellybutton, so thank goodness for that! Oops, I mean, thank God for that!

Then there was my ex-husband, who was a devout Irish drunkard and taught me everything I needed to know about drinking 10 pints of beer on a Monday night! The Irish truly are an enigma. Some Irish are born stunningly handsome or beautiful, and some look like they hit every branch on the way out. They’re friendly and gregarious, but love to get into fisticuffs. They’ll bomb their own country, just to piss off the British. Plus, I’ve never seen another race be able to drink that many pints of Guinness beer in one sitting, and still be able to stuff potatoes into their pieholes!

I love the Irish! They’re so, so… Irish; proud, talkative, and make excellent potatoes. They can turn a potato into some of the most fantastic dishes you can find, like fried potatoes.

You know I’m always on the lookout for the best fried potatoes, and when I find some, it’s like discovering gold! There are a lot of crappy fried potatoes out there, sheesh! I mean, how hard is it to fry a goddamned potato? Very, apparently.


Thank you Jesus!

Luckily, I found a fantastic Irish pub right here, in the Connayo, and I’ll be going there whenever I want some yummy Irish pub fare, like fried potatoes, or when I want to be a belligerent, drunk Catholic, like the Irish.

My friend, Triple D, and I went to Brendan’s the other night, which happened to be Sunday night, and the place was packed, which proves my point. Anyway, as soon as I looked at the menu, I knew what I wanted: chicken curry and fries! Yeah, I know, it’s curry! But the Irish love curry and make it really well, even though the people who invented it are on the complete opposite side of the color spectrum from the Irish, if you know what I mean!

The Irish adopted many things from the British, who stole many things from the East Indians, including curry, so they all make a good one! I was really glad I ordered it too, because it was fantastic! It’s the best curry I’ve had in the area that was made by someone who’s whiter than Santa Claus! It was a yellow curry, with chunks of chicken, carrots, peas, and golden raisins for a bit of sweetness to offset the slight heat of the curry. The fries were golden, flour-ey goodness that soaked up some of the sauce. Plus, in true Irish fashion, there were more potatoes in the curry itself, so it was double potato goodness.

They serve a steaming hot pot of real Irish tea with a side of milk too! I skipped the beer because I’m still a practicing Irish Catholic and I’m not at the point where I can eat double potato and kill a few pints in one sitting. But don’t worry, now that I know where the rest of the drunks go, I can join ’em and practice all I want!



495 N. Ventu Park Rd.

Newbury Park, CA


Categories: Alcohol, Beer, Chicken, Food, Humor, Potatoes, Satire | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “Bad Catholic, Good Potato

  1. Have they ever turned potatoes into french fries? Now that would be a clever thing to eat.

  2. thanks for the reminder. I completely forgot that place existed. I’ve been meaning to go there. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and here’s to eating more fried potatoes in 2014!!

  3. I do love me some curry — I go to an Indian restaurant for lunch at least once a week — and you’re right — potatoes in curry are wonderful. I’ll have to see if they have Guinness the next time I go in!

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