Where’s My Goddamned Fish, Cabbage-Breath?!

There was a full moon the other night, and get this; this particular moon is referred to as a Beaver Full moon. Romantic huh? Supposedly this was the time of year fur trappers used to set their traps for beaver fur, and I assume they would also eat the beaver. Well, I can honestly say I’ve never eaten beaver before. I’ve eaten a hairy taco though! It wasn’t the best taco I’ve ever had either. The best taco I’d ever had was at a garden party, near the bushes… I know that sounds weird, but I don’t have time to explain it. Anyway, like I said, this taco was hairy (unlike the one at the garden party), and that’s because they had put so much goddamned shredded cabbage on it, it looked like it was sprouting hair, and you couldn’t discern where the fish started and the cabbage began! Yeah, it was a fish taco!

Fish taco

Can I get it waxed?

I got it at Snapper Jack’s Taco Shack. This place supposedly makes authentic, Ensenada-style fish tacos, but I gotta tell you, I’ve had fish tacos in Ensenada before, and Snapper Jack’s tacos just aren’t the same. For one, if you get a hairy taco in Ensenada, you’re barking up the wrong bush! Plus, the fish in Ensenada is infinitely much better than the fish Snapper Jack’s uses, since I’m pretty certain theirs is frozen, where as the fish in Ensenada is freshly caught that morning!

In Ensenada, you get beer battered fish pieces, deep-fried to crispy, golden nuggets, served in a hand-made corn tortilla, with a squeeze of lime, some hot salsa, a little bit of shredded cabbage, not the whole goddamned head, and delicious creamy sauce drizzled all over it!  Sounds great, right? Well if you want it that way, then go to Ensenada!

This is how Snapper Jacks made mine: add cabbage, lots and lots of cabbage, so much so, that I could’ve sworn that they served me a cabbage taco instead of a fish taco, and then they tried to add cheese to it… CHEESE! Wrong, wrong, WRONG! I told them not to because you don’t put goddamned cheese on any of my fish or seafood… period! Plus, I only got a small squirt of the creamy stuff on my taco… wait, I need to rephrase that: there was only a tiny bit of the creamy sauce drizzled on there. The fish tasted plain too, nothing special, although the batter was nice, so at least they got that part right!

They do have a fantastic salsa bar, much better than the other taco places around town. They make this delicious melon salsa with honeydew, cantaloupe and chopped cilantro, and it’s really refreshing! I like to add some salt to mine, it really brings out the flavor. The also have… get this: more goddamned cabbage that they make cole slaw with, just in case you don’t get enough friggin’ cabbage on your goddamned taco and you want some more on the side! They have a nice variety of different salsas, along with some other creamy sauces you can dress your cabbage salad taco with if it’s too dry, which it will be, because they put a whole goddamned head of cabbage on one taco!! So start digging when you get yours so you can find your fish at the bottom of the goddamned cabbage fish taco somewhere!

The best part about this place is the price! A fish taco with a handful of chips, a small head of cabbage, and a small drink only set me back five bucks! What a deal, huh? I’ve never gotten taco for so cheap before!

Well, maybe in Ensenada…

Snapper Jack’s Taco Shack

Various Locations

Categories: Food, Humor, Mexican, Satire | Tags: , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Where’s My Goddamned Fish, Cabbage-Breath?!

  1. You are a dirty, dirty girl, I mean quite a taster of food! By the way, I saw that Calabasas, is quite rich people because the Kardashian palace is there.

  2. we’ve been to Snapper Jack’s. I’m not a fish-eater so I leave that dish for my other family members. I also am not fond of their other tacos much. And I HATE rice & beans in burritos. So about the only things I eat there are the taquitos …. and the cinnamon-covered crispy dessert chips. THOSE I can eat a TON of. Yeah, the salsa bar is great – good variety. And in the warm weather seasons its great to sit outdoors. They always play music I remember hearing on the radio when I was a kid. Ahhh memories! Love your blog!! its nice to hear a local perspective on Conejo Valley eateries (and nearby – I didn’t know that Danish bakery existed in Santa Barbara! that’s a lot closer for us than going all the way to Solvang!)

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