A Poll Walks Into a Pizza Pie Parlor…

When I initially decided to go with the Korean bibimbap as a choice in my poll for one of the disgusting foods to eat and write about, I did so because I thought it looked like a challenging dish from the photos I saw online, but it’s really only vegetables, pickles and a raw egg yolk over rice, so it’s not that big of a deal, unless playing Russian Salmonella Roulette is a big deal, and let’s hope it’s not! As it turns out, that’s the dish that got the most votes in my poll (you know, the poll I posted a couple of weeks ago that you didn’t participate in) and so I guess that’s the dish I’m gonna eat and write about.

Well I haven’t tackled it yet because I was still holding out hope that you followers would actually take the time to place your vote on the poll I so painstakingly prepared, instead of just reading it… or ignoring it altogether. You see, the poll has only gotten 9 votes so far, which was the reason for my depression the past week. I fully expected the poll to be off the charts, probably just like what Mitt Romney was hoping for when he ran for the presidency, and just like Romney (falling flat on his lying face after he lost), I too, was facing glory, only to be downtrodden by the complete lack of interest. The only difference between Romney and I, is that I’m sure he recovered a lot faster from his loss because he’s filthy rich and I’m not. Well, I’m filthy rich in personality… but who gives a shit?

After I thought about it though, I should be thankful that it ended up being the Korean dish so I don’t have to tackle the other three choices, which would have caused severe gag reflexes during the mastication process, whereas now I only have to worry about getting salmonella poisoning from raw egg yolk!


Not the pie I was hoping for

So I promise that in the next few weeks, I’m going to eat this weird Korean dish and write about it as soon as I recover from the bacterial infection in my stomach. For now, I’m only gonna write about pizza. Gosh, I hope you’re not disappointed! I wouldn’t want you to feel the disappointment that I’d been feeling the past week ‘cause it was just awful. Besides, Pieology is worth a visit just because it’s gimmicky!

When I first noticed this place, I thought they offered yummy, delicious pie, and I was really disappointed when I found out that it was going to be just another stupid pizza place because I love pie and it would be great to have a place in town that made only pies, but then I remembered that I had to stop eating so much pie anyway on account of being humiliated by a bikini!

Then my neighbor the carnivore, told me I had to go check it out because it was great, but I took pause because she eats raw meat, but then her friend piped in and said it was great too, and as far as I knew, she didn’t eat raw meat, so I figured that if two people with two completely different tastes liked the same thing, the odds were good that it was going to be pretty decent.

The gimmick at Pieology is you get to make your own pizza. Well, the nice pizza kids behind the counter make it for you, but you get to decide how it’s made by choosing any toppings you want on it, and you can have as many toppings as you want for only $7.50, no matter how much crap you have them pile on it, and believe me, some people take that literally! Like the porker who was in front of me. His pizza was piled high with pretty much every goddamned topping they had, it was ridiculous! I mean, c’mon dude, just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should! When you have that much stuff piled onto a pizza, it ceases being a pizza, ya moron! Besides, it looks like you could stand to lose a few pounds, if you know what I mean! If you had a bikini, you wouldn’t be eating all that goddamned pizza, I tell you that right now! How greedy do you have to be?! Don’t you know there are starving people in the world, and you’re not one of ‘em?! Hey, you wanna leave some for the rest of us Porky Pig?!


Anyway, yesterday my neighbor informed me that when she went back last Friday night, the line was going out the door and down the block, and I could easily see that coming since they only have one pizza oven, and porkers like that guy eating all their goddamned toppings, so it was only a matter of time before the gimmick of this place started to catch on. It looks like if you go there, it may take a while to get your pizza, and I’m not entirely sure it’s worth it. I mean, it’s only pizza after all, not pie.


593 N Moorpark Road

Thousand Oaks, CA


Categories: Food, Humor, Pizza | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “A Poll Walks Into a Pizza Pie Parlor…

  1. I’m so bitter about all the people in the world that didn’t vote in your poll. I would be outraged and I would go eat a pizza with all the toppings in the world on it.

    • Hahaha! Wait, why am I laughing? I’m bitter too!

      • I can’t believe that I was the only one to vote. That is why I never put polls up or do contests anymore. I did one once and pratically had to beg anyone to do anything and even when the person won, they didn’t want the prize. People are just so lazy….like me,

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