Let me ask you this: WWJD?
I know it’s kind of a shocking question and all since I’ve never had to worry about it before, but I did something that could be misconstrued as immoral, and it’s been on my mind ever since the other night when me and some friends did it.
We cheated, outright lied… through our dirty little teeth… right in front of a group of innocent restaurant workers when we pulled one over on them!
I know, I know, I’m never like this, I mean, I’m the most straight-forward, honest person I know, most of the time, and I can’t believe that I would stoop to such a level…
…all for a dessert! A free dessert attained by lying and cheating!
Okay, wait a second. Now that I actually think about it, it wasn’t really me who uttered the mistruth, it was my dirty, cheating, little liar friends! Did I take part in it? Well yeah, maybe. But it wasn’t like I initiated the lie… okay, I did, but it was solely in jest! It was a joke, a mere… suggestion!
This is what happened: we were at another goddamned Mexican restaurant, (Jesus, I’m sick of ‘em already!) and we had just finished eating some of their crappy food when the table sitting next to us got a birthday dessert delivered with a candle in it and the entire restaurant staff singing what I think was Happy Birthday to the birthday boy! I assumed it was Happy Birthday, because instead of the usual song, they changed the words… you know, made it their own like some restaurants will do, but it was in goddamned Spanish, so I couldn’t be sure!
Anyway, I said to my little liar friends in jest, “Hey, who’s birthday is it gonna be tonight?” and we all started laughing, but it turns out, I was kinda serious since I really wanted a dessert but didn’t want to pay for it. However, I resigned myself to not having any because we had already paid the bill and were getting ready to leave. In the mean time, one of my cheating, lying friends had to get up to use bathroom (Jesus, what a goddamned weak bladder she has!) so we had to wait. Well when she got back to the table, the entire restaurant was following her with a free birthday dessert, and they placed it in front of me and started singing what I assumed was Happy Birthday! What a riot, we started laughing hysterically because it wasn’t really my birthday! Boy, they got me good those little liars!
Is that bad though? No, no, not the lying about the free dessert, I know that’s bad. Is it bad that the stupid restaurant employees don’t sing in any goddamned English?!
Guess what? Who cares?! I got free dessert!
But then I realized that I had to share it with my friends, and it wasn’t that big of a portion. Turns out, it wasn’t very good though and I was slightly irritated, because it was flan, which I absolutely adore, because flan is creamy and sweet, with subtle maple-y flavors from the caramelized sugar they melt in the bottom of the dish, so I always look forward to eating it, but this one wasn’t like that. It wasn’t homemade! This piece of crap was from a packet, those cheap bastards! It was watery and tasteless and was topped with fake whipped cream, which was watery too and wouldn’t even hold the birthday candle upright!
If you’re going to give away free birthday desserts, you should make them as nice as possible, even to the liars who’s birthday it isn’t!
I guess this is where we have to ask ourselves my initial question: What Would Jesus Do? Would he lie to get a free birthday dessert? Oh shit, maybe that’s a bad question since we all know what happened on his birthday…
You know, I just thought of something; maybe the stupid restaurant workers were the ones who got one over on us? I mean, maybe they knew we were lying and cheating and brought out the crappy dessert for us and saved the good ones for the people who were actually celebrating a real birthday?
Naw, they’re not that smart…
590 East Los Angeles Ave.
Simi Valley, CA