Where’s My Goddamned Chicken?!

My mom used to make me peanut butter and butter sandwiches and they were so rich, they always made me barf, but she kept making them that way, and I kept eating them and barfing. She would also rub butter over my burns, thinking that it was the best way to treat them, when all it really did was sizzle and cook on the burned part of the skin and provide a certain amount of torture. I would try to tell her it wasn’t working, but she made me keep the butter on my burn and watch it melt.

My mom was British, so I guess that explains a lot.

One time, I got an electrical shock and she immediately got me a shot of whiskey and told me to gulp it down without stopping. I’ve never heard of treating an electrical shock with hard liquor before, but since I was only 7 years old, I guess that would make sense. Just like giving a 7-year-old hard liquor makes sense. But anyway, I think the idea is to get you good and sloppy so you don’t remember being electrocuted in the first place, even though the smell of burned hair remains in your nostrils. She told me not to smell the whiskey first because she knew that once I got of whiff of the stuff, there was no way I was going to drink it, but I did and so I wouldn’t. She forced me to take two small sips anyway and I nearly barfed! At least she didn’t put any butter in it.

The point I’m trying to make is that I can take a lot. It takes a lot to get me upset…

 to rub my rhubarb…

to get my feathers ruffled…

to put crumbs in my butter! *snicker*

Even when I get overcharged for something that I thought should have been included in the first place, I don’t get upset. Like the chicken tortilla soup I ordered the other day and got charged $3 for the chicken.

Now, just take that in for a second…

Chicken Tortilla Soup.

Uh, yeah I ordered the one with chicken?

Uh, yeah I ordered the one with chicken?

Shouldn’t chicken tortilla soup already have some goddamned chicken in it? I mean, I know it’s a wild concept and all, having chicken in a soup that’s got the word “chicken” in it. Call me crazy but I already assume there’s going to be chicken in chicken tortilla soup, so how come I’m being charged extra for it? Maybe I shouldn’t expect certain chicken soups to have any chicken in it at all unless I pay for it! Like, for instance, chicken noodle soup. Now there’s a soup that’s questionable. Should there really be any goddamned chicken in chicken noodle soup?! Maybe, there shouldn’t be any chicken in either of the soups! Maybe that’s just too goddamned much to ask! I mean, if we’re going to leave the chicken out of chicken tortilla soup and the chicken out of chicken noodle soup, then why not leave the goddamned chicken out of chicken?!


I’ve ordered their tortilla soup once before (notice I’m omitting the word “chicken”), and I thought it was really delicious, so I went back for more. I can’t remember if it had any chicken in it though because it contained massive glops of melted cheese. So much so, that I was taking it out by the spoonful and placing it on the side of my plate so that I could actually eat the soup part of my soup, so I didn’t notice. Maybe they should have called it goddamned cheese tortilla soup!

Anyway, I went back there again and I ordered, well you know what I ordered. So when the soup came, it was slightly different from what I got the last time. It was still delicious, but it wasn’t the same soup I ordered before and there’s nothing more annoying than going to a restaurant to eat something that you’re craving, and when you get it, it’s not the same, they’ve changed it! It’s so goddamned frustrating and annoying! I don’t get it and I guess neither do the goddamned restaurants! They need to understand that consistency is the most important aspect of running a good restaurant! That, and adding chicken to a dish that contains the word CHICKEN!

So I ate my goddamned chicken tortilla soup and was charged $3 for the chicken. I didn’t complain because like I mentioned before, I can take a lot, so it’s really not that big of a deal.

Cisco’s Mexican Restaurant

925 S. Westlake Blvd.
Westlake Village, CA


Categories: Chicken, Food, Humor, Mexican, Satire | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Where’s My Goddamned Chicken?!

  1. I know of whiskey for a tooth ache but never heard of it for electrocuting yourself lol. The soup if called that should have had chicken in it. Or be like restaurants which have dishes with options that cost more i.e. like Caesar salad add 1.50 for chicken 2.00 for shrimp etc etc. Hopefully in the end your soup tasted good.

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