There is intelligent life on this planet!
It comes in the form of a squid though, not Homo sapiens, as you were probably thinking.
Squid, along with it’s cousin, the octopus, are supposed to be very smart little creatures that have a slight reasoning ability, which is amazing if you think about it, since most humans don’t even possess that characteristic! But even so, these delicate creatures still haven’t managed to learn to avoid massively, giant nets, a few thousand feet wide, which scoop up everything in their path, killing them and other, less intelligent, inedible creatures, all for the benefit of someone’s dinner! Poor things.
Now I have a real problem, and it’s not because so many people lack reasoning ability; it’s because I love eating calamari and because it’s such a clever little creature, I feel completely guilty for doing it! Same for the octopus. I certainly don’t want to contribute to the reduction of intelligence on this planet, since Lord knows, we really need what little we have left, but the thought of biting into crispy, tender, sweet bites of ocean-ey tasting fried calamari has been difficult for me to resist!
I know it’s cruel for me to eat them because there are sooo many stupid people out there who I wouldn’t dare think of killing for food, even though they deserve to be killed and eaten, yet this loveable, intelligent creature, that should never be used for food, is something I could eat all the time!
Damnit, I feel so guilty! Maybe I should just go to a deli…
This is truly quite a quandary I am quickly getting into, which qualifies as a quagmire so enormous… it’s making me queasy!
Allow me to paraphrase from something I read on Wikipedia:
“Although doubt has been shed on just how intelligent these creatures are, impressive spatial learning capacity, navigational abilities, and predatory techniques remain beyond question.”
Holy octopus! Now if only some humans displayed these same characteristics, we’d be way better off! Okay, maybe not the predatory part.
Well I’ll just try not to think about it… but come to think of it, I think that’s what’s wrong with the intelligence problem I think about to begin with: no one is thinking before they stuff something into their pie hole!
Now if people did more thinking and less talking (and eating), we’d be in a much better place! Like for instance, the stupid moron who got mad at me the other day because I said something smart, and she didn’t, should have just kept her mouth shut and her ears open, and then I wouldn’t have had to call her out on how stupid she sounded, sheesh! I mean, I have my own problems lady, why do I have to correct morons like you?!!
Anyway, I know I’ve been eating calamari all of my life, but I now know I cannot continue, knowing what I know, but when you know where to get some fantastic fried calamari, it’s very difficult to tell yourself no. You know?
Okay, I’m going to share with you where I’ve eaten some fantastic calamari and I’ll leave it up to you to decide how you want to proceed; either by preserving intelligent life on this planet, or by contributing to it’s demise. No pressure.
Duke’s in Malibu has some really yummy fried calamari. It’s got a slightly chewy texture while remaining quite tender, and although the breading is on the thicker side, it doesn’t overwhelm the sweet meat of the squid, since it comes in a stick form. Like a fish stick, only it’s a calamari stick. Weird. Anyway, Rustico in Oak Park also has some excellent calamari, and that’s because the chef is Italian, and he makes the most light, crispy, tender, delicious fried calamari ever! Be prepared to pay for it though, because it’s not cheap. I think it’s like 15 bucks for the appetizer! *ouch*
Listen, I like Italians as much as you do, maybe more, since I’m one of ‘em, but they sure do know how to put their greasy digits into your pocket and take whatever’s there, squeezing your coglioni in the process, if you have any! I do not. Anyway, I think theirs is the best I’ve had so far… or, up until now… or, it is the best I’ve had because from now on, I refuse to eat such an intelligent creature and put it’s future of survival at risk!
Now I’m not trying to suggest that we should never eat any animal just because it displays some amount of intelligence and should only eat the stupid ones, because you know where that’ll leave us?
21150 Pacific Coast Hwy
1125 Lindero Canyon Rd
Oak Park, CA