I Hope… For Pancakes

You know how you know something because everything inside you is telling you that you know, yet there’s this outer influence that’s trying to tell you that you don’t know? But your instincts keep telling you that yes, you actually do know, so why does this persistent outer influence continue to try to convince you otherwise by insinuating that it was pure imagination, and making you out to be the crazy one, saying that the thing that you know isn’t really what you knew after all, but rather, what they know?

I don’t know!

But I think that everyone knows what I’m talking about!

I HOPE

So what do you do when you’re being accused of having pure imagination? Eat pancakes, of course!

You should know that there are certain places that I wouldn’t go to get pancakes though, since I know what I’m talking about when it comes to pancakes! But pancakes are made with basic ingredients like flour, buttermilk and eggs, so why be so choosy about where you get them, you ask? Because most places don’t make them like that anymore. Most places make their pancakes with a pre-made box mix (like certain biscuits) and they just aren’t the same as the kind mixed with eggs and buttermilk! But when you’re in that moment of knowing that the only thing that’s gonna make you feel better is eating pancakes, and it’s not breakfast time anymore, but way past dinner time instead, then you can’t be choosy about where you get ‘em!

You know?

Luckily, pancakes sounded really good to my friend JD Kandyce too, who happened to be with me, and there was only one place that we could get them at that moment:

IHOP

I know.

Normally I would never go there since there are so many other places to get really good pancakes, and I don’t think theirs are very good, but it was late and all the places that you can go to get great pancakes were closed. I’m sure that there are many of you who love IHOP and would say that their pancakes are just terrific! But they make so many of them, they’re like a pancake factory!

Like a scene right out of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I envision their pancakes coming out of some sort of whistling steam-engine, which plops out perfectly shaped glops of pre-made batter onto a conveyor belt, which travels through a furnace, and the pancakes come out the other end and slip onto a plate, then a mechanical arm picks them up and swings them out onto rotating tables and into the grubby hands of hungry brats, who stuff their faces with stacks of them, and the machine pumps out pancake after pancake, with Willy Wonka at the controls! But not the creepy, gay, child-molester Johnny Depp-Willy Wonka, who pretty much ruined the film, but the superbly dynamic, subtly sadistic, yet totally loveable Gene Wilder-Willy Wonka, who made the film the fantastic, childhood glory that it is!

But like I said, it was very late, meaning just around 9:30 pm, and we had no other choice but to go there, since it was the only place open that served pancakes. And you know, it wasn’t as bad as I thought I knew it to be? I ordered a short stack of plain, buttermilk pancakes and when they came, I smeared the butter (margarine) all over them, then I drizzled (poured) real-fake maple (corn) syrup on top and dug right in. JD Kandyce had a kid’s strawberry funny-face pancake that she drizzled with real-fake strawberry flavored goop and when I asked her how it was, she said that it tasted fishy. I knew it! It wasn’t just my imagination, there was something… fishy about the place after all!

I hope I don’t have to make a habit out of going to IHOP for my pancakes, since I now know that it is not the best place to get a pancake! Right? I mean, I know I don’t live in a world of pure imagination!

I HOPE.

IHOP

Various Locations

Categories: Breakfast, Food, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “I Hope… For Pancakes

  1. Love the Wonka reference (besides the Wonka character himself the oompa-loompas are better in original as well). Next best thing if nowhere else to go is just crank up the stovetop and crank em out. Banana-nut a favorite of mine 🙂

  2. I’ve failed at every attempt of making pancakes, which would probably classify me as a terrible cook, but I promise I can cook other stuff, even more complicated. It’s the little things that get me, like white rice, and pancakes. Weird. Anyways, for pancakes around here I like Eggs n’ Things on Moorpark Road in TO. If you haven’t checked them out, you should! My husband loves their omelletes too.

    • No, you aren’t a terrible cook if you can’t make pancakes! I can’t make good pancakes either.

      I love Eggs ‘n Things!

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