Flimflam French Fry

I got flimflammed over french fries.

Yep, fries.

I could understand getting flimflammed over a car or some diamonds, or other expensive purchase, but french fries?

I was really excited to try the parmesan truffle fries I ordered because they looked and sounded really delicious, but when I got ‘em, they were a complete disappointment. It’s not that the fries I ended up with were inedible, but they weren’t fresh and they weren’t the ones that were proudly displayed in the photo at the counter where I placed my order! These were your run-of-the-mill, frozen jobbies that got dolled up with some parmesan cheese and real-fake scented truffle oil and they didn’t resemble the ones in the photo in the least! The ones in the photo were thick cut and really potato-ey looking, with all this yummy parmesan cheese sprinkled over them as they lay stacked in their fat potato-ness on the plate, where as the ones I got were this weird orange-y color, I’m guessing from some sort of pre-frozen seasoning process, and they were thin and sticking up out of the bucket, and they weren’t potato-ey enough. Plus, it was a chinzty portion, not like the ones piled on the plate in the photo at the counter that they were advertizing. The girl who took my order stated in complete confidence that I should get ’em since they were delicious, which is pretty nervy considering they were gonna give me something completely different!

Like I said: flimflammed.

Fry lie!

Fry lie!

I guess I should explain how it all went down: I was driving on the freeway on my way to one of my favorite breakfast places to get breakfast at 2:00 in the afternoon, but I wasn’t paying attention and got off of the wrong exit, the one where you can only turn right, instead of being able to turn right and left, and I needed to turn left. So I was going to make a u-turn at the next light, but it wasn’t allowed. Yeah, I was a little annoyed because when my stomach wants something, it gets really bossy and irritable and doesn’t want to negotiate obstacles like right-turns-only and no u-turns and such and such. But then I remembered about a place my friend Sharie the Beer Drinking Mountain Biker told me about called Fusion Grill, and it was in the direction I was heading, which was the wrong way, so I decided to forgo breakfast and have lunch instead!

I kinda wish I didn’t though.

You know how when you want to eat something in particular and you end up just eating something else, for reasons like making a wrong turn, and you always get disappointed because you should have just eaten what you wanted in the first place? Well that’s what happened when I went to the Fusion Grill in Newbury Park. It’s not just that I went against what my stomach was craving, it was the flimflam on the french fries. And it was something else too: when I hear the word “fusion” as it relates to food, I think of a blending, a combining, of two or more cuisines. Blending Asian and Italian flavors together is a perfect example; and that’s what I was expecting when I entered the place because their name has the word “fusion” in it. But that’s not exactly what they offer. The have a variety stuff on their menu like pasta and burgers and wraps and stuff, but none of it had any combining feature that really stood out, so I asked myself: “Could this be a fusion flimflam?”

Mint Lemonade

The real fusion!

Well I was already there and thought I’d give it a shot, so I ended up ordering their potato leek soup, which was decent for a little grill/order-at-the-counter type of place, but it’s nothing spectacular. Along with the soup, I ordered the french fries because as I mentioned, the photo of them looked so delicious that I couldn’t resist (and we all know how that turned out). Finally, I ordered their mint lemonade, and let me tell you, that turned out to be the star in the whole show! The drink is fantastic! It’s not your typical lemonade, they take real lemons, fresh mint and ice, and blend it super smoothly, so it’s super smooth, like a smoothie *snicker*. It’s got the perfect ratio of lemons to sugar, so it’s sweet, yet tartly refreshing at the same time! I had to pace myself drinking it since I didn’t want to get a brain-freeze, because there’s nothing worse than getting a brain-freeze and getting flimflammed!

Maybe they’re hoping people will get a brain-freeze so they don’t realize they aren’t getting the fries in the photo. Anyway, I would go back there again, just for their lemonade! You know, I just thought of something: that lemonade would be really spectacular with a little white rum thrown in, just like a mojito! Gosh, that’s such a great idea! I’m always coming up with brilliant stuff like that. I guess it’s because I’m a genius or something…

Maybe I’m too much of a genius for Fusion Grill. I mean, it’s not terrible and I only ate a couple of things and maybe some of their other items are decent. I would definitely go back there to eat the food if I was the average person, but it’s clear I’m not, so for now, I’ll just stick with the brain-freeze.

Fusion Grill

2454 W. Hillcrest Drive

Newbury Park, CA

805.498.8827

Categories: Beverages, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Flimflam French Fry

  1. “Plus, it was a chinzty portion, not like the ones piled on the plate in the photo at the counter that they were advertizing.”

    Reminds me of the potato hush puppies at Lazy Dog Cafe. They come in a tin cup, and are overflowing out the top and look so good on somebody else’s table. Then after you’ve eaten about 6 of them you discover that there is wadded up parchment in the bottom to make it look like you are getting more than you are.

Have you digested this?

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