I’ve been meaning to sit down and write a cocktail recipe book for all of my fans. Everyone seems to be doing it nowadays and you don’t even have to be a professional, which widely opens the door for me. You never know, it could even end up on the New York Times bestseller list and smack that Skinnygirl Cocktail dumbass right off of the top ten! Sugar-free cocktails, Jeez what a dumb idea that turned out to be, huh? Now, why would somebody want to come up with a sugar-free cocktail anyway? We created flavorful cocktails because there was a reason for it: “Hey, this alcohol tastes nasty… let’s add some sugar to it!” It’s much more civilized to drink a flavorful, sweetened cocktail out of a nice glass, than chugging it out of the bottle like we used to. Now some skinny bitch from New York has removed the sugar and took all the joy out of our alcohol so we can fit into size 3 jeans?!…and become skinny bitches too!? …skinny, drunk bitches?! No thanks, I’d rather keep my biscuit-top and enjoy a sugary, tasty libation!
Anyway I’ve decided to go on the hunt for the tastiest cocktails so I can put the recipes in my book of bona fide, original Clever Girl cocktails and I think I found my first one: The Ginger Martini at The French Bulldog in Camarillo. Normally I’m not a martini gal, since they contain lots of alcohol and I can only drink so much before I start to get messy, but since this is important research for my book, I took one for the team. Plus, they offer a rewards program for martini drinkers and I could easily become one if there was something in it for me. The Ginger Martini is described on their menu as “Canton Ginger Liqeuer, Stoli Vodka, Stoli Vanilla, lime juice, agave, cracked black pepper”. Sounds delicious, shake one up! Their martinis come in a big martini glass, so you’re going to get your money’s worth, especially at happy hour since they’re $8 bucks instead of the usual $12! The cocktail was full of bright, sweet, peppery ginger flavor that danced on my tongue at first sip, then the subtle layers of vanilla and lime kicked in, softening and rounding out the flavor. It was a great combination that I would never have thought of! The black pepper floating on top wasn’t just for garnish either. It added an unexpected contrast of flavor to the sweet ginger and vanilla. It was spicy, yet refreshing at the same time, a perfect winter libation!
So as I mentioned, The French Bulldog offers a rewards program for martini lovers. They have what’s called a “martini punch card”. Every time you order a martini, they punch your card for you and once the card’s filled, you get a free martini and one of their t-shirts, which were really cool looking by the way, and who doesn’t love free stuff?! But there’s a catch… it’s that you have to order each of their twelve martinis on the menu, you can’t keep ordering the same ones. Their idea is that you get to try each of their martinis, plus you get to wear their t-shirt, so it’s a win-win…
Because as I was sitting there enjoying my cocktail, I thought about it carefully: I could either go through the entire drink menu, paying $8 to $12 dollars for each of their twelve martinis, which would come to either $96 or $144 dollars respectively, just to get the free drink and t-shirt, AND I’d have to drink martinis I don’t necessarily want, OR, I could just buy the martini that I want to drink and pay for the t-shirt myself, which only costs $18 bucks, and I’d save a whole crap load of of money! Now I’m not knocking their marketing idea since it’s clever, but if you think about it, it’s really just going to turn everyone into casually dressed drunkards! And anyway martinis are like a woman’s breasts, one isn’t enough and three is too many… so why would you want to have more than ten for crying out loud!?!
Wow, I’ve never been this good with math and numbers before! Normally I have to take my top off just to count up to twelve! Hmm, maybe I should become a martini drinker after all…
The French Bulldog
2433 Ventura Blvd