Biscuit Top

I’ve been craving biscuits lately. Well, I should say I always crave them, it’s just that I don’t eat them all the time because I don’t want to look like one. I don’t want to get a muffin-top, or I guess I should say a biscuit-top. Whatever. I don’t want that thing that bulges over the top of my jeans to be referred to as a fattening food product, thank you very much. Now, how come men don’t have a derogatory name attached to their bulge that we use in our daily vernacular like us women have?  There are a lot of men out there that have what I call “keg-tops” and we should use it! Anyway, I’d rather be accused of having a muffin-top than a keg-top. Biscuit-top doesn’t sound too good either though… where was I? Oh, yes, biscuits. Well, I’ve had a difficult time finding a place where I can get a homemade biscuit, meaning made from scratch with butter and buttermilk, not water and a box mix. So I just suck it up and settle for the lesser biscuit from a box. Why, you ask? Because I can’t resist the texture of that puffy, flour-ey goodness! I like to smear butter all over my biscuit while it’s still warm and watch it melt into all the places that melting butter can go, and I like to drizzle a golden stream of sweet honey all over it, then sink my teeth into that warm, puffy softness. The taste of that sweet honey mixed with creamy butter on a cloud of flour is, well, heavenly!

Biscuit case

So I’ve been heading over to Eggs ‘N Things on Moorpark Road in Thousand Oaks when I want my biscuit fix since theirs are pretty decent and since it’s close to me. I can power-walk there in five minutes and get in a really great work-out! Anyway, I went there last Sunday morning and to my dismay, it was packed with all these… people!  *Sigh* I thought they were all in church. So I sat at the counter instead of a table since I didn’t want any disruptions, and took a look at their menu.

They have lots of eggy things, and things from the griddle and it all looked great, but I only came for that one thing (do you realize how tricky it is to type the word biscuit on a keyboard?) Their biscuits are pretty big, and they look like little church domes, with their perfectly rounded, golden tops. Homemade ones don’t look like that though. Homemade ones have tops that are all bumpy from the heat hitting the cold butter, creating steam and causing them to bubble and rise in irregular formations, like the tin roof at a homeless shelter, but hey, these satisfy my biscuit craving just fine.

So I thought that sitting at the counter of a busy restaurant would be a good place to have a quiet breakfast, which was silly of me since a busy restaurant is never quiet. But there is “busy” noise, which is acceptable, and then there is “loud” noise, which isn’t, and that morning I was being subjected to an unpleasant “loud” noise coming from a lady two seats over, who happened to be speaking very loudly for some reason! I never thought that a person could project their voice into all four corners of a large restaurant on the holiest day of the week, but I was wrong. She was sitting about a foot away from her breakfast companion and practically yelling in her face, and I couldn’t understand why the breakfast companion just sat there taking it! I mean, how horrible for her!! Maybe she was deaf or wasn’t paying the bill. To top it all off, the lady spoke in broken English, which already strains my ears, so when I finally decided that I needed to say something to make her aware of the volume of her voice, I gently leaned over, put a friendly smile on my face and politely screamed “Could you please lower your Goddamn blowhorn!?!”

Eggs ‘N Things

1542 Moorpark Road

Thousand Oaks, CA


Categories: Breakfast, Food, Humor | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Biscuit Top

  1. Shannon Perreyclear

    My home made biscuits never look like that either. They’re always bumpy, irregular and crumbly. And I like them that way too!! I don’t know how restaurants get them to be smooth like the one in the picture. But, next time you want to enjoy a good biscuit without the blowhorn try making them yourself, they’re really easy.

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